Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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