so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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