I hate your face
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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