if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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