He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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