Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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