A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize