before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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