so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
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I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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