I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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