tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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