I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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