I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize