Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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