she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize