how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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