I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize