What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
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It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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