I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize