i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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