the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize