the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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