if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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