How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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