Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
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hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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