Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
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I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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