i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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