I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize