One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize