ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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