it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize