Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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