Can i not drive my cunt home
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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