Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize