As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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