i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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