If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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