In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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