You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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