I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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