I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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