I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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