I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
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there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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