i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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