How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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