I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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