I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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