Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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