then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
ttyl tear gas
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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