drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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